i put my anger into something else -- not to stir the mundane lives of others or to cause drama just for the sake of attention or to seek revenge. i put my anger into positive actions -- i refuse to do the same kind of harm that others have caused me. you can call me passive or a push-over but i call myself strong. like they say, there's more strength in loving than in hating. i am not passive as i use the negativity surrounding my life and turn it into something positive. i am not a pushover because even in the most tumultuous times, i am still standing. i do get angry but i take a moment to think things through and use that anger to fight for a better cause. revenge doesn't put a smile on my face, it only hinders it. stir things up inside of me if you will but i will let your faith decide what to do with you. meanwhile i have my own business to take care of -- i am too busy being happy than to waste my time trying to think of ways to get back at someone. it doesn't do anyone any good.

it's hard to stay afloat. some days i wake up and i have this natural smile on my face and i'm truly happy and excited for the day to come and then outside forces come to try to knock you down. i'm having a hard time trying to keep my head up. nevertheless i need constant inspiration and positive influences around me.

...

or sometimes just a good chocolate shake ...

i went to the liquor store in the middle of the night, and yes, i succumbed to the devilish act of smoking -- sometimes your only friend is your enemy -- and i bought this chocolate shake that comes in a sealed container. you open the lid and slide it into this weird contraption that pushes it into a blender and mixes it up the way you like it -- light, regular, or thick i think it was -- basically a whole big fiasco for a small drink. suffice it to say that it was all worth it in the end because it was fucking bomb. never mind that what read behind the lid was "you are now 99% happier" -- and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing was tellin' the truth! chuck the smokes, that chocolate shake saved my sanity for the night.